


it’s heavy (heavy when i want you so bad)

by Gabby



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), In Control with Kelsey (Web Series)
Genre: Alternative Perspective, Blow Jobs, Desire, Developing Relationship, Dirty Talk, Emotional Sex, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Finger Sucking, Fingerfucking, Fluff and Smut, Gen, Gentle Sex, Insecurity, Intense, Intimacy, Kelsey’s specifically, Masturbation, Multiple Orgasms, Oral Sex, Passion, Penis Size, Pillow Talk, Porn with Feelings, Praise Kink, Relationship Negotiation, Riding, Romance, Romantic Fluff, Sex Talk, Sexual Humor, Shameless Smut, Simultaneous Orgasm, Sweet/Hot, Talking, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, and you know who’s dick i’m talking about, because I say so, because why wouldn’t there be?, do I have to say it??, female on top, intimate, possibly, safe sex, shy insecure kelsey, there’s talk of dicks here, we’re going there, yup i’ve decided
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-01
Updated: 2019-03-01
Packaged: 2019-10-22 10:31:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17661002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gabby/pseuds/Gabby
Summary: “I mean...” Jazzmyne isn’t sitting that close to her but, she can still hear her lips smacking as she chews her signature bubble gum. The air smelling instantly of saccharine cherry. “...if I were into dick, which, god no, and really into a smaller set of man, I’d hit that, for sure.”She knows that the other woman isn’t being very serious and that she’s only teasing, really.So, there’s no excuse for the words that come stumbling out of her dumb mouth ever-so-casually.“Who says he’s small?”Then Jazzmyne’s dark eyes widen a little and she realizes her fatal error.





	it’s heavy (heavy when i want you so bad)

**Author's Note:**

> This is a sequel to _you, terrible thing, you_ and apart from exploring Kelsey’s POV on those events also gives a fix for those I’m sure are giving me the stink eye for not having these two talk as I had implied they would before they did the nasty.
> 
> I wanted romance. My muse nudged me toward porn. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
> 
> Enjoy! :))
> 
> Title is from Heavy by POWERS.

 “How was your weekend?”

YB’s innocent, lilting tone causes Kelsey to lift her head from her computer screen to look her friend in the face.

(she hopes she misses the blush starting to overtake her right now.)

”It was good.” She says, proud when her voice is steady and not at all high.

But, her friend doesn’t let it go like she had hoped. “Did you do anything fun?”

Unbidden, her mind is suddenly ablaze with images:

_ryan fucking her into her couch-_

_the_ _bruising_ _grip_ _of_ _his_ _hands_ _on_ _her_ _hips_ -

_feeling_ _him_ , _big_ _and_ _hot_ _and_ _hard,_ _rocking_ _her_ _toward_ _the_ _edge_ -

She chews on her bottom lip. A force of habit that irks her sometimes.

“No. Not any more than usual.”

She doesn’t miss the speculative gleam in her best friend’s gaze.

 

(okay, first off, let it be known and on the record, that she does not know the protocol of what to do after spending an entire night - and let’s be real, the better part of a morning- with the same man who has featured in her most intimate fantasies.

who’s also kinda her friend.

and who she also works with.

no... she wouldn’t know the first thing to do.)

 

She spends Saturday afternoon with Ryan.

Literally, at twelve o’clock - a good three hours after he had left her boneless and sated on her bed - he shows back up at her door with a nervous smile and an equally unsure ask of her spending whatever free time she had in the day with him.

Even though he had said he was gonna come back to see her, the invitation is unexpected and is so unbearably sweet that she hardly stops herself from saying yes.

From the outside, it shouldn’t be anything spectacular.

They have a lunch date at a cute little bistro at the Grove which he insists on paying for.

He doesn’t argue about following her around the mall so she can do some last minute shopping.

(the heat between them hangs on the fringes for the time being but, it is _there_ and at points when she catches him looking at her with dark, knowing eyes, she can feel a twinge in her inner thighs where his hips had been.

his sly smirk says he knows that.)

All in all, it’s a nice, normal afternoon.

But, it’s also weirdly innocent and tentative considering the intense, passionate night they’d spent together.

He had made a mess of her the night before and then they flirted playfully over ice cream the very next day.

He had dropped her at home as the sun set and she had gently kissed him goodnight.

She hadn’t experienced anything like it.

It felt strangely like going backwards a bit because normally, she liked taking her time getting to know someone before she could invite them inside her apartment, let alone her _bed_.

But, this thing - _whatever_ it’s going to be - with Ryan is already turning out to be quite different than what she’s used to.

She knows she likes him. Has had an insanely persistent crush on him since they met.

Slightly more than a typical work place infatuation but, still normal. Harmless enough that she went on with her life. Dated a little. Had had a year-long relationship.

She was fine.

She never thought to persue anything with him because there was nothing to persue.

(at least that’s what she told herself to stave off the feeling in the pit of her stomach when she would admire him from afar like a school girl.

thinking, _hoping_ , for things that would probably never occur-)

She’d been so comfortable in that notion. So okay with the way everything had been that she hadn’t realized that it could go further.

That her stupid feelings could go further.

Then that weird day happened. The moment in the library that had sent both her mind and libido spinning.

She’d felt foolish and aroused in equal measure after that day. Her mind running in circles around the issue.

Then... Shane and Sara had locked them in that same damn room together.

All she had wanted to finish working and go home and eat and-

“ _Hey!” She looked up to see Sara standing over her, Shane lurking right behind. “You busy?”_

_Nothing out of the ordinary. She thought._

_(granted, she was rarely approached by both of them at the same so..._

_great insight on her part.)_

_“No.” She nodded to her computer screen. “I’m just about done. Then, I’m gonna head out-“_

” _Can_ _you_ _hang_ _back_ _a_ _minute?_ ”

_She_ _peered_ _back_ _at_ _the_ _two_. _Sara’s_ _bright_ _smile_. _Shane_ , _looking_ _more_ _impatient_ _than_ _usual_.

_Thinking_ _about_ _it_ _now_ , _she_ _should_ _have_ _probably_ _been_ _more_ _suspicious_.

” _Sure_.” _She_ _shrugged_ , _clicking_ _on_ _her_ _mouse_ _to_ ‘ _save_ ’. “ _Just_ _give_ _me_ _a_ _minute_ -“

” _I_ _can_ _get_ _that_ _for_ _you_.” Sara’s _voice_ _comes_ _suddenly_ _from_ _her_ _right_ _and_ _two_ _things_ _happen_ _in_ _rapid_ _succession_ :

_Shane_ _appears_ _behind_ _her_ _and_ _pulls_ _her_ _upright_ _from_ _her_ _chair_ _by_ _her_ _underarms_ -

-“ _up_ , _up_ _you_ _get_ ”-

-“ _hey_!”-

_Then_ _Sara_ _quickly_ _replaces_ _her_ _at_ _her_ _desk_ _to_ _presumably_ _save_ _her_ _work_ _and_ -

well.

She doesn’t have to repeat what happens next, does she?

 

Which leads here to the present: Thinking about how her once-seen-as-unattainable crush has turned into... _something_.

On a Monday.

After a variable sex-marathon of a Friday night (turned morning after) which then turned an honestly romantic Saturday afternoon, and then turned into a Sunday apart.

They still couldn’t leave each other alone, as it turns out, though.

She had woken up, made herself coffee, and started getting ready to go fetch Chewie from his weekend doggy day camp.

(for the first time ever, she was thankful for that. she had no idea what would’ve happened had she still had her dog around that friday night.)

She had thought of him all morning.

She felt like an idiot teenager with her first boyfriend all over again.

_god_.

By ten, a good hour before she had to go, she’d finally decided to text him and then just-

Her phone had pinged with an incoming message.

_**morning**_. _**sleep**_ _**well?**_

It was him and she had stared at the words in surprise long enough that-

_**hope**_ _**you**_ _**slept**_ _**better**_ _**than**_ _**i**_ _**did**_. _**all**_ _**i**_ _**thought**_ _**about**_ _**was**_ _**you**_.

She had, too. He had made several pleasant appearances in her dreams.

Well. More than usual, anyway.

Her thumbs twiddled idly before she responded. Her heart pounding even just waiting for his reply.

_**you**_ **_did? :))_**

A few more minutes and then:

_**yeah**_. _**not**_ _**trying**_ _**to**_ _**sound**_ _**dirty**_ _**or**_ **_anything..._**

Those three dots teased her mercilessly from the small screen.

... ** _i_** _**mean**_ , _**yeah**_ , _**there**_ _**was**_ _**a**_ _**lot**_ _**of**_ _**that**_ _**too**_. _**mostly**_ _**i**_ _**just**_ _**thought**_ _**of**_ _**seeing**_ _**you**_ _**again**_.

Then.

_**i**_ _**hope**_ _**i**_ _**didn’t**_ _**freak**_ _**you**_ _**out**_.

That alone had given her the courage to send:

_**it’s**_ _**really**_ _**okay**_. _**i**_ _**thought**_ _**of**_ _**you**_ _**too**_.

_**:))** _

And so it went.

After she had picked up Chewie, he had sent her a string of emojis expressing the tortures of going to the gym.

(even as she laughed, the unbidden image of him, grunting and sweating and _groaning_ , sprung up and made a coil of heat settle in her lower belly.

damn him. he did it on purpose.

the biggest thing she had learned through her night with him was that he could be real tenacious when he set his mind to it.)

As she parked back in front of her complex, he decided to send her a video of a middle-age man swearing loudly at his trainer as he did heavyweights.

She giggled for two minutes straight over it.

Over the day, it was like that.

They texted sporadically.

As she did her last batch of laundry, he wrote of having lunch with his roommates.

Throughout the day, the messages remained innocuous. Sweet. Simple.

They told each other about their day.

And as said day grew darker, they gradually drifted out and shared what they had for dinner and then said goodnight to each other-

It was... really good.

Then Monday came.

And she had to deal with having to see him at work like they normally did.

_hmm_.

 

There’s a number of reasons why she doesn’t plan on telling anyone about what happened between she and Ryan.

First of all, she had never been the type to share anything of that nature - of the romantic and/or sexual kind - with her co-workers.

She likes the people she works with. She does. Really.

But, she’s not ready to share this yet.

Secondly, it’s no one’s business. Regardless of how much she trusts her friends and colleagues, whether or not she divulges this information is her own prerogative.

(and no, it’s not like she told Ryan not to say anything either. she’s not here to control what he says and if anything, the only person he’s already told is Shane.)

Of course, her life being what it is, that’s not how it goes down.

”Does Ryan seem chipper to you?” Jazzmyne asks, in her usual tone: laid-back, out of the blue, and with a chill that’d make Alaska jealous.

She wishes she were more like that sometimes.

”Mmm?”

The other woman nods to the other side of the room, presumably. “I mean, y’know, more than usual. I guess.” She adds blandly.

She can’t help but follow her eye and yup, straight from her spot on the couch, she can see him - smiling wide and sparkle eyed, laugh through the room.

Her stupid heart flips inside of her chest. Her breath catching.

He had chosen to wear dark jeans and a striped button-down that was _just_ this side of too tight around his chest and arms.

This isn’t the first time she’s seen him today, but still...

He’s torturing her.

_look_ _away_ , _kels_. _look_ _away_ _right_ _now_ _before_ _someone_ _sees_ _you_.

She doesn’t and has to deal with the consequences when his eyes land on her and even from afar, can tell when his smile transitions from ‘ _haha_ _funny_ _joke_ ’ to ‘ _hey_ _baby_ _how’s_ _it_ _going?’_

(she knows that smile. white teeth bared. dark eyes glinting-)

Right at her.

Across from each other in the same building they both work in.

”What was that?”

_shit_.

She forgets that Jazz is right there. Looking. Observing. Watching it all.

“Hmm?” She hears herself repeat like a broken record. Meeting Jazz’s amused gaze. “What?”

And she’s already smiling. damn. “Were you just checking out Bergara?”

She doesn’t mean to hesitate ‘cause yes, she was but, it happens and then Jazz is grinning wider and _oh_ _god_ -

“You were!”

”No-“

”Yes, you were! You were so checking him out-“

”No! No, I was not-“

lord, she feels like she’s in high school all over again.

The other woman looks well past the point of excited. “This is amazing.”

”Jazz-“

”Hey, Ryan!” Jazzmyne greets happily without even turning her head.

how does she even do that?

She turns and yup, he is standing right there. More gorgeous and bronzed and perfect up close-

(she’s gonna lose it before the day is through.)

Jazz makes a quick getaway, quickly shooting her a look to convey questions for later (oh joy) and a ‘hi/goodbye’ to Ryan-

Leaving them alone.

“Hey.” He greets, smiling impossibly wider and okay, maybe she should’ve said something earlier about not being obvious at work because he’s looking at her as though he hadn’t cornered her at the coffee maker that very morning but-

But, she knows she’s smiling, too - like a fool - and instead says. “Hi.” As breathlessly as possible.

And it’s as simple as that.

He joins her on the couch and then they’re talking and chatting about their day and it’s so weirdly natural, like not much has changed.

Only it has and the fact that they sit closer to each other than is strictly necessary - their sides pressed together, knees nudging - proves that.

He hovers near her shoulder as she edits on her laptop and silently watches her work and every now and again, she feels the brush of his fingers against the back of her neck as he strokes her hair there.

All the while keeping his eyes steady on her screen (even when she peaks at him, how could she not? that jawline _calls_ her name) and making like it’s not a big deal.

It’s simultaneously amazing and driving her crazy at the same time.

“How are you doing this?” She blurts out after several minutes of comfortable quiet and enjoying his touch because she’s always had a problem keeping her mouth shut.

He seems to startle from looking at her screen and she bites back a smile ‘cause he looked like he was honestly paying attention to her editing and how cute is that?

”Hmm?”

”I mean, like-“ She gestures between them, all fluttering fingers and hands, with a laugh born of her sudden nerves. “This? Us? How are you are taking this so in stride?”

He looks surprised and before she can think to take back her words, he’s already speaking. “You said us?”

(damn him. damn him for making her heart flutter like this.)

He also looks extremely pleased and she tries her best to level him with a pointed look. “Ryan-“

”I know.” He says abashedly, shaking his head. “I apologize. Please continue.” He adds, leaning in close to hold her hand and look at her.

She’d always wondered what it would be like. Being the absolute center of this man’s attention. To have those big, dark eyes on her and her only.

It’s both better and more nerve-wracking than she could have imagined.

Especially now that he’s staring at her like he wants to kiss her.

(or _other_ much more inappropriate things that they can’t do at work.)

“I had a crush on you.” She says without preamble.

What. The. Hell?

”I mean- what I mean is-“ She stutters as he blinks, an utterly delighted curl at the corner of his mouth. “I mean before we had- anyway, I had a crush on you for -ever and then out of nowhere things started happening and that night we- that night was-“

She has to take a deep breath to calm her impulse to ramble and lets loose that exhale when he squeezes her fingers.

”Amazing?” He suggests and she can’t _not_ laugh. “Mind-blowing? Earth shattering?” He adds with a smile. “Am I getting warmer?”

”You’re not making this easier.”

She doesn’t need to touch her face to know she’s blushing right now.

“And you’re gorgeous.” He mutters, giving her hand another affectionate squeeze before letting her go, face heating further at his words.

“And I don’t mean to make it sound like a cop out but...” He gestures to the time clock. “...Shane and I have to finish some stuff.” He looks her in the eye meaningfully. “Table this talk for later?”

She knows that he means it - somehow just knows it - and nods. “Yeah. Okay.”

He pauses after he gets up, as if contemplating, before he’s leaning over her and she stifles a gasp when he whispers in her ear.

”Meet me on the roof at 7?”

She feels herself nod because he’s soo close and smells good and she’s allowed a weak moment, right?

”I’ll see you then.” His fingers linger, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and kissing her quickly on the cheek (it’s a peck really, but makes her _burn_ all the same).

And she has no shame in watching the way his jeans fit as he walks away.

(god, she’s screwed.)

 

At lunch, she’s accosted by both Jazz and Lindsay and dammit, she should have kept her cool earlier.

They ask her questions left and right about she and Ryan like there’s definitely something going on there.

There is but, there’s also no need to shout it from the rooftops when they’re still figuring it out.

(which is _exactly_ what’s happening. they’re figuring it out. it’s far too early to tell but she has a feeling that’s what it is.)

And she thinks she does a fine job in dodging and otherwise giving short, coy answers to said questions.

Until.

“I mean...” Jazzmyne isn’t sitting that close to her but, she can still hear her lips smacking as she chews her signature bubble gum. The air smelling instantly of saccharine cherry. “...if I were into dick, which, god no, and really into a smaller set of man, I’d hit that, for sure.”

She knows that the other woman isn’t being very serious and that she’s only teasing, really.

So, there’s no excuse for the words that come stumbling out of her dumb mouth ever-so-casually.

“Who says he’s small?”

Then Jazzmyne’s dark eyes widen a little and she realizes her fatal error.

And Lindsay is looking at her with a bright, delighted gaze and she wants to kick herself all over again.

(jesus, she just can’t keep her mouth shut today, can she?)

Either way, it’s out and, in a voice low enough for no one sitting within earshot to hear, admits what happened.

She does take a great amount of pleasure out of her small audience’s ever widening eyes as she - leaving more _explicit_ details to herself, thank you - tells them about that night.

It also feels kinda good. To tell somebody. Ideally it would have been YB, first and foremost but, well.

_well_.

And since this is that sort of day, the subject circles right back around after she’s finished with her tale.

”So, he’s big?”

It’s Lindsay who asks with sly curiosity with Jazz mirroring her expression.

She knows her ensuing flush goes all the way to her ears as she tries mightily to find a way to avoid explaining that and-

(her brain isn’t listening though. it can’t help but dredge up memories of Ryan above her, inside her, behind her, and _all_ _around_ her.

how her body had ruled her that night whenever he touched her-)

”Holy shit.”

She doesn’t realize how much she ends up spacing out until Jazz’s voice seeps into her subconscious and she snaps out of it to twin looks of mischievous surprise.

”Huh?”

”He was that good, was he?” Lindsay asks, a suggestive arch in her perfect eyebrows.

“- Bergara’s Bigara -“

”- I knew it -“

Even after she’s made them swear not to say anything, obviously she’s gonna have to warn Ryan about this.

_obviously_.

 

The theme of her day being what it is, Kelsey knows that it’s only a matter of time before she encounters Shane or Sara.

Or both of them at the same time.

Which is exactly what ends up happening.

And truly, she’s not surprised.

And honestly, as annoyed as she was for the whole locked-in-a-room stunt, she’s also not mad at the outcome.

She knows herself and knows that the embarrassing charade would have gone on as long as she let it.

It’s a budding thing, her friendship with Sara and by extension, Shane.

It was because of her damn unrequited crush that Sara had noticed (of course she noticed, it’s _Sara_ ) and it was easier to talk about it with her due to her being Ryan’s friend, too, and becoming better friends themselves because of it.

”Hey!”

She swears she doesn’t jump - but she does, let’s be real, she really does - as Sara and Shane flank her from both sides at her desk.

”Hi, guys.” She manages to greet in midst of her mini-heart attack, oh god.

”Soo...” Sara starts right off the bat, planting her hands under her chin.“... how was your Friday night?”

She can’t even begin to help the only slightly hysterical laugh she lets go of. “Ha! You’re not even wasting any time, are you?”

She enjoys these two, honestly, but really?

”She does do that.” Shane drawls from her right and offers her a placid smirk and a shrug when she glances at him. “Sorry.”

It’s at times like this when she doesn’t have to question how perfect these two are for each other.

”Hush.”

”Well, it is true, sweetheart.”

They wind up bickering for a good hot minute before turning back to her and she ignores the urge to squirm, realizing they’re not gonna let this go.

”Are you still mad at us?”

“No.” She answers sincerely because she’s certain that while fucking with Ryan was a great byproduct for them, they had good intentions with their little stunt.

”Really?” Shane sounds surprised, head tilted and eyebrows raised and anybody who knows him understands that expression when he’s caught off guard.

“I was never mad at you guys.” She adds for clarity’s sake. “Ryan might still be, to be honest, but I’m not.”

”I wouldn’t be too sure about the little guy.” Shane says confidently. “I made him laugh twice today and he kept looking at his phone with this goofy ass smile on his face.”

She hopes to god that the burning at her ears is due to something else other than blushing.

”I’m sure you had something to do with that?”

Now, she knows that she is, in fact, blushing.

”-Shush, stop embarrassing her-“

”-I wasn’t-“

”-Yes, you were-“

”-Guys!-“

It’s only after Sara has promised her to get Ryan to agree to a double date that she realizes what she might have gotten herself into.

 

At exactly seven o’clock, Kelsey finishes up her work, gives herself a food-in-teeth check in the mirror, and heads on up to the roof.

(yes, okay, fine, she may also refresh her lipstick and lay on extra perfume, she feels no shame.)

She keeps her steps light and not as eager as she knows she feels.

That same eagerness that taken over every bit of her being when she had waited for him at her apartment last Friday night.

(only... _no,_ _no,_ _no,_ they’re not gonna have sex on the roof!

right?

right?!

oh god.)

The roof is empty when she gets there, palms clammy and heart pounding against her ribs.

”Ryan?”

It’s dark up here. Dark except for a few choice string lights provided by Buzzfeed for their night owl employees who enjoy burning the midnight oil more often than not.

She is not one of those employees.

She is... not a morning person per se, but, prefers her sunny days to dark, moody nights. She likes getting to work early and then getting everything done quick enough to leave just a bit after it’s gotten dark.

She’s had to stay longer out of necessity sometimes but, doesn’t make it a habit and anyway, it’s crazy dark up here and if Ryan hasn’t shown up yet then why is she-

She lets out an almighty shriek and jumps right of her skin as a pair of strong arms wrap around her waist from behind.

But, then, just as quick, she already recognizes those arms - the muscles, the grip, _ohh_ , she knows that grip - and a familiar, masculine laugh is rumbling into the nape of her neck.

“Sorry.” Ryan chuckles, the following spate of kisses on her skin making her _shiver_ with goosebumps. “I’m sorry, baby. It’s just me.”

There’s a small part of her brain that reminds her that she’s not crazy about pet names, really, and that she should tell him so.

But, fuck it, she’s crazy about him and he smells so good and the way he said the endearment so sincerely and with something like affection-

She thinks she could get used to it if he’s the one to call her that.

”You jerk.” She reprimands without any real heat, smacking at the arms that haven’t let her go. “You scared me!”

His hold on her tightens, pulling her closer still and yup, okay, that’s a _lot_ of muscle-y man pressing up against her.

“Couldn’t help myself.” He murmurs distractedly and something inside her chest goes tight as hot, open-mouthed kisses are scattered down the scape of her neck and shoulder. “Been wanting this all day.” He adds with such heat that her breath leaves her lungs in a stutter.

”To scare the living daylights outta me?” She’s able to manage with a breathless laugh that’s half hysterical because she’s _melting_. Dissolving into a puddle of nothing in his hands already.

And she realizes now that she is scared. Frightened out of her mind that she won’t be able to go another day without _this_ again.

Without his hands. His touch. The feeling of him on her. Inside her. All around her-

It’s too much.

He overwhelms her soo easily.

And all she wants is to let him.

”Ryan?” Despite herself, her head rolls back as he keeps up with his kisses. Those fantastic lips raining attention over her skin. Either side of her neck. The rumble of sounds being pitched from his chest against her back. “Ryan-“

She interrupts herself on a stammering moan as he sinks teeth in her throat that he could reach, his hands turning head as he pleases. “Just a minute.” He whispers, hot breath blowing in her ear.

She could feel his palm spanning her ribs. Feel the restraint in his touch. The thought of, with invitation, that he would easily, _gladly_ , move to cup her aching breasts or move down to slide fingers under her skirt-

“God.” He rasps, sounding just as lost as she feels. “I want you so badly. Feel what you do to me-“

She can and does when he rolls his hips into hers, a tell tale bulge reminding her that 9 inches is also accurate for more than just his height...

...And strangely, that very thought is enough to break the spell and she can’t help the little giggle that escapes her.

”Okay.” She laughs as he continues to try and distract her, batting at his hands finally. “Alright. Come on, we came up here to talk. Let’s talk.”

She ignores his resulting pout and drags him to a nearby table to sit them down.

”Soo...”

“So?”

This is where the awkwardness sets in. She knows. Not by a lot, but it is there.

”You had a crush on me?” He asks, eyes sparkling and a wide grin appearing on his lips.

And that’s how he chooses to start this.

Yet, she can’t stop the small, coy smile from growing on her own face. “Yes.” She answers simply. Teasingly.

His grin just grows wider, perfect white teeth and all. Boy, is he delighted. “For how long?”

There’s no stopping the flush on her cheeks as she looks down at her shoes if only to escape his dark, _dark_ eyes.

Two broad hands come into her view, covering both her own on her lap, rough thumbs stroking her skin and causing her breath to _whoosh_ out of her lungs as she takes in the differences between them.

His tan to her fairness.

The size and strength of his fingers against hers.

For some reason, it relaxes her and when she looks up only to see deep, understanding eyes, her mind catches something.

A memory.

”Do you...?” She starts to ask, trailing off and shaking her head. Doubts coming up without delay.

She could always count on them. Her doubts. They’ve been a constant companion recently. 

“No, no.” He swipes his thumbs over the backs of her hands. Eyes lighting up in intense interest. “Go ahead. Tell me.”

Unable to not smile at the barely hidden eagerness in his voice, she takes a deep breath. “Do you remember when we first met?”

She watches as he sits back - still never letting her go - and blinks a bit, eyes knitted in concentration as though to comb through his own recollections. 

Then a smile slowly forms on his lips and her breath catches in her chest at the _sight_ of it. “Yeah. I do.”

“I remember it, too.” She admits, allowing the softness in her voice to shine through. “I remember you. How nice you were to me. Showing me around. Making sure I was comfortable. You were...” She pauses, recalling everything as though it were yesterday. “...sweet.”

(he was. he really was. he still is today. such a sweet, big-hearted man.

sweet, smart, stupid-sexy man.)

Now it’s his turn to look away, smiling mumbly at his shoes and coloring at the ears.

For a moment, she lets the image in front of her bring her back to a younger, clean-shaven Ryan greeting her nervous self at the coffee maker and offering to give her a tour of the office.

She’s been smitten ever since, apparently.

”I’m glad you thought so.” He says, pulling her back to the present to sparkling, dark eyes. 

“You were cute, too.” 

“Was I?” He takes the full bait she presents him with, scooting closer. So close that his breath - smelling faintly of something bracing like mint and black coffee - blows gently across her face.

That, paired with the scent of what seems to be his cologne and the citrusy bite of his aftershave, reels her in even more.

”And now?” He asks, flirting now. Eyes intent on her and canting his face close enough, noses brushing, to kiss her if given permission.

And she wants to do just that.

“Still find me cute?”

“You’re reaching.” She hears herself whispering, reaching even as her body betrays her and sways towards him. The want written on his face. The clear intent in his eyes.

But, she finds her equilibrium in the end and presses a hand against his very firm chest, giving him a slight push. “I even found you cute when you ran away from me.”

She can see the minute that he remembers, watches his smile dim, and a frown pulling at his lips.

She feels a little bad. 

Not a lot. But, _still_.

Though it starts to into _a_ _lot_ when he just stays quiet and doesn’t look at her for several minutes that it starts to make her regret bringing it up. “Listen, we don’t-“ She takes a breath to regroup, laying her palm on his arm without thinking. “I’m not mad or anything. Not really. It happened. So, we don’t need to talk about it if...”

She lets it hang there, knowing that he somehow gets it and it’s barely a second before he’s replying.

(he has already told her about his state of mind that day. his words even now making her feel warm from the inside out.)

”I want to.”

Then he’s turning, looking her in the eye again and her gut clenches at the determination on his face. 

“Ryan-“

”Look.” He says earnestly. “I know I’ve just been repeating myself but I can never say this enough.” He adds, looking at her with such an open expression of _longing_ and a bit of guilt that her stomach swoops in response. “I am so sorry.”

And how can she not believe him when he says it like that?

”I never meant to mess with you.” He elaborates. “I just... I freaked out.”

”You thought you were dreaming?” She reminds him. “Of me?”

”Yeah.” He admits, looking even more guilty and at the confusion surely written on her face, says. “My insomnia was kicking up a thousand notches and I thought I was in this waking dream of you and me-“

He stops abruptly, expression tightening, and now it’s her turn to push the words out of him. To nudge him forward.

”You and me, what?” 

He only shakes his head and she moves closer to him, encouraging. “It’s okay. You can tell me.”

”... Of you and me being together on top of that desk.” He adds begrudgingly after a long minute and there’s no doubting what it is he means by _being_ _together_ here. “And I wanted it. Very badly.”

The rough heat in his voice and stare is like a sucker punch to her gut and she only has a fleeting worry of how much of a _goner_ she truly is because he’s not finished.

“I remember how sweet you were and how thoughtful.” His eyes are staring dead-on at her now and though she has the impulse, she also can’t look away, breath caught in her throat. “I kept thinking about your damn hair and how shiny and soft it looks.”

She’s most _definitely_ blushing now. Feeling the burn on her cheeks and the tilting of her own lips when he can’t seem to help fingering the loose strands hanging along her collarbone.

”You like my hair?”

”Yup.” He drawls casually, almost lazily, as if it’s no big deal. “I also liked looking at you.” The brush of his fingers on her skin starts her, causing a _zing_ of want to travel down her body. “Your face. Your mouth. The smell of your skin. Like my eyes were opened for the first time and I couldn’t stop myself.”

And honestly? She doesn’t wanna dwell on it too much but, she can’t remember any other man having looked at her the way Ryan is right now. Like everything he’s feeling is a lot for him already.

”Me, too.” She confesses, watching the lighting up of those eyes. “I spent so much time thinking this was never gonna happen and when it did, I- I couldn’t stop it either. Thinking about you. More than usual, I mean.” She adds, unable to hide her nervous laugh. 

He’s smiling at her.

One of those wide, teeth-baring smiles that grabs at her heart and refuses to let go and she hardly thinks twice about what she does next.

She kisses him.

She surges forward and he has no hesitation in meeting her in the middle and it’s as perfect as she remembers and his lips are full and soft. His trimmed stubble scratching her palms against his strong jaw as she breathes him in, not wanting to stop. 

(his smell.

his heat.

his... tongue - _ohh_ -)

”Mmm.” She pulls away, mind already hazing when her simple, soft kiss turns into something decidedly _other_. Her heart stampeding. Face gone hot and everything between her legs _hollow_ and _pulsing_ -

“No, no. Come’re.” He murmurs, the broad hand cradling her jaw bringing her closer and she barely has a moment to take a breath before he’s leaning in for more.

He dominates this time. Moving his grip to her hair and she _whimpers_ as he tightens it there. Keeping her in his hold. Tongue slipping and sliding. Turning their kiss into something more passionate than ever. Filthy. Dirty. _Obscene_ -

“Fuck.” He grits out as they finally come up for air and she can hear her own heavy breathing over the pounding in her  ear. His own voice hoarse and near cracking when he manages to add. “I want you.” 

The _i_ _need_ _you_ is implicit and she can already read it in his breath. His unsteady hands cradling her face. His dark, glittering eyes. 

He doesn’t have to say it.

”Yes.” She surrenders, letting her hands slide down the scape of his arms. She knows she sounds breathless. Winded. Meaning it. Meaning _i_ _want_ _you_ and _i_ _need_ _you_ and _kiss_ _me_ , _touch_ _me_ , _take_ _me_ , _fuck_ _me_ -

( _make_ _love_ _to_ _me_.)

”Come home with me.” 

“Jesus.” He breathes, butting his nose against hers. “You don’t have to tell me twice.”

And as he reels her in for more kisses, she thinks of how this is the best _i’m_ _fucked_ she has ever been.

 

They do somehow manage to untangle themselves at some point to calm down (not by much _but_ ) to head to their cars for Ryan to follow her home.

And if they get some eager, suspicious looks from their friends? Screw it.

She’s so giddy with excitement, in fact, that nothing sets in, really, until she’s parking in front of her building. 

She is, dumbly, struck with nerves all over again.

god.

What is _wrong_ with her?

It’s not even- she has some worries, sure, about seeing someone she works with, it’s not-

No. Her insecurities are traveling elsewhere now.

She thinks she’s done a pretty decent job of focusing on work all day to avoid having that Friday night play on loop over and over in her brain, not a fantastic job, but well.

_well_.

Sex has almost always been a very straight-forward part of her life. With the exception of a short fling in college, it has stayed inclusive to relationships and serious dating and she doesn’t do casual hook-ups.

Everything with Ryan is- it’s a new thing. Even just the one long night with him has shown her that sex before him had been - she hesitates to say it ‘cause it’s a dumb, mean label but - _vanilla_.

Not that she had any issue then (or now). It was just a fact of her life. She was always the cute, nerdy girl growing up. She’s pretty and girly, not sultry or sexy. She just never exuded that kind of energy and sex with her was (hopefully) good. She needed no theatrics or tricks to satisfy anyone.

That night with Ryan had been something else entirely. The way he had kissed her and touched her and _fucked_ her. 

She never felt so wanted and desired in her whole life.

And she wants more. 

She wants every part of him. Wants him to fill every single part of her body. It honestly feels like the most natural thing in the world to want him like this. To want to explore and discover with him.

To have each other in every way possible.

Could she do it? Could she satisfy him?

(there’s also the thought to unpack that at 27, a good eight years after she first became sexually active, that she just _now_ had the best sex she’s ever had. 

but that’s for later. moving on.)

The tapping at her car window snaps her out of her long-winded thoughts.

It’s him. Leaning into her window and looking concerned.

It’s adorable.

She rolls down the window and he takes it as an invitation to lean closer in. Planting those strong arms against it to peer in at her. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” She nods, not even knowing if she’s trying to convince herself. “Yeah. I’m fine.” At the look on his face, she adds. “I am!”

It’s unfair how the way he tilts his head affects her heart the way it does. “Kels, if you don’t want to-“

”No! I do-“

”-if you don’t wanna do this.” He says as though she hasn’t spoken. Voice soft and understanding and _ugh_. “Tell me. It’s alright. We can... we can just go grab a bite, if you want.” He offers up, temptingly. “We can go to an old LA diner and I can buy you breakfast for dinner and we can spend all night talking, if that’s what you want.”

”Ryan.” She says, out of words for this man. 

He has that affect on her.

”And I know it wouldn’t mean much because of the other night but...” A new determination centers on his face. His eyes still soft. “We _can_ still take this slow. Nothing has to happen until you’re ready. Whatever you want we can do.” 

In the end, her decision is the easiest thing.

She takes a breath, leans up and in to kiss him, allowing him a bit of tongue for a taste, before pulling away. Feeling heady with it at the sight of his dark, glimmering eyes.

”What do you want?” 

“I want what you want.”

”That’s sweet.” She admits, palming his strong, stippled jaw. “But, what do you want? Honestly?”

He _stares_ at her and it’s a good minute or two before speaking, voice full of intent. “I wanna have _you_ for dinner, for one.”

The breathless laugh she lets out should have broken the tension right then and there yet all it does to egg him on.

”That might have come out wrong.” He concedes with that sharp, carnal smile that she knows all too well now. “But, that’s what I want. I want you comfortable but, I _would_ like to fuck you until you can’t walk.”

A moment passes between them. An _electric_ charge as she holds onto bated breath inside her chest. Absorbing the promise in his words.

A promise she knows he can surely deliver.

“I want that, too.” She hears herself whisper truthfully. 

That wolfish smile only widens. “Good.”

 

The walk up to her apartment only manages to stay quiet and full of tension for five minutes.

Until Ryan gets bored and decides to distract them both with everything he can.

And really, if gets like this when he’s bored, well...

Teasing kisses on the back of her neck escalate to light touches which then escalates to him pinning her to the door of her apartment with his tongue in her mouth.

How they managed to pay attention enough to get there in the first place is beyond her.

It gets so hot and heavy that at some point when his broad hand migrates up her thigh and under her skirt and on her ass, she instinctively wraps her legs around his hip.

”Ryan.” She tries saying, only it comes out in a _moan_ , hands clamped to the back of his head as he’s busy trailing hot, open-mouthed kisses down her throat and towards her chest. “Ryan... we can’t...”

He pulls at the neckline of her black top and she knows that if he hadn’t been at least semi-mindful in his actions, he would have torn it.

”Yes.” His hand leaves her ass to join the other in pushing at her breasts to his eager mouth. “We can.”

”Oh god.” Pressed so close together, she can feel the ridge of him, already hard, rubbing against her. Small, shallow thrusts bumping her just right and she’s so _wet_ and- “We have to get inside.”

She pulls up for another deep kiss, their bodies close together from top to bottom as she successfully, finally, manages to blindly unlock her door and pull them both into her apartment.

From then, it’s a blur of him trying his damdest to distract her again and trying not to drop her keys as the muscular, male body behind her gropes and grabs and squeezes and then he’s turning her after she’s finished her task, not giving her a minute of space before he’s tugging her to his lips again as if he can’t get enough.

She understands that feeling because she can’t either.

She loses her panties somewhere between her living room and bedroom along with her shoes.

They’re stumbling, making out like teenagers on the way to the bed and she’s pulling at the buttons of his shirt and her top comes off next, being flung to the corner of her room.

He doesn’t seem to waste a moment, bringing her close again and grabbing and fondling and squeezing at every bit of her he could put his eager hands on.

It’s not like she’s complaining because the feel of him against her, broad and strong and _hot_ , makes her head spin and she’s unable to stop herself from running her palms along his arms and shoulders, enjoying the way he seems to fit her softness so perfectly, as unwilling to keep her hands off him as he is to her-

Once she feels the bed hit the back of her legs, she makes herself let go of his mouth to sit down on it and he follows as she pulls towards _her_ this time by his belt buckle.

Time stops then. It seems to stretch preciously and make a space just for the two of them.

He looks so beautiful above her like this. All smooth, tanned skin and sculpted muscles. Dark, nearly black eyes glimmering in the dim lights. His once nicely gelled hair now _deliciously_ tousled by her own hand. The way he looks like he’s having trouble controlling his entire being, looking at her like a thirsty man in a desert.

She did that. 

And - with a confidence she wants to forever hang onto - she _will_ do more of that.

She wonders what she looks like from his side. Her long-sleeved black top gone with her breasts no doubt pushed up by the skimpiest, red lace bra she had gotten as a gift a while back. Her plaid skirt ruched up her highs.

He certainly doesn’t seem to mind the view.

”What is it, baby?” He asks, voice smoky and husky and reminding her instantly of what he sounded like as he moved inside her, his tone speaking of praise and dirty promise. “What does my girl want?”

She likes that. The way he says _my_ _girl_ so easily. How the words spilled out from him as they had sex on her couch. The subtle possessiveness undertone.

She wants that. 

She wants it all.

He’s touching her hair again. Feeling at the silky strands between his fingers before cupping her face, thumb tracing her bottom lip.

And just like that, she knows what she wants.

She kisses at the rough pad, visibly stilling him. Forcing herself to maintain complete eye contact as she laves her tongue around the tip, swirling at his thumb before _slowly_ taking it into her mouth and making a show of thrusting it in and out and sucking it clean. 

Giving him a good _visual_ demonstration of exactly what it is she wants.

From the way he seems to suck in his breath, eyes pitch black and pupils blown wide, he doesn’t look like he minds.

”Kelsey.” He whispers, voice sounding like gravel, cradling her face. “Baby... I want that more than anything but, are you sure?”

He sounds nearly out of his rightful mind at this point and the fact that he’s still asking her for permission only makes her choice easier.

She hasn’t been in this specific position in a long time and she can’t think of any other man to re-learn this particular skill on than him.

It also excites _her_. She can feel the fire between her legs. The need to be filled over and over again...

For now, though.

In lieu of answering him, she focuses her gaze downward as she trails a path with her hands down the smooth expanse of his stomach, feeling and _seeing_ the muscles move underneath at the same time he sucks in a breath when she reaches his belt.

Slowly, like she’s opening a present, she undoes the buckle and the buttons of his jeans, the _rasp_ of his zipper being pulled down echoing in her quiet bedroom.

She can see him, stifled and tented and looking ready to _burst_ from his underwear, and takes a fortifying breath before gently pulling it down to free him _finally_.

The hiss of relief above her lets her know that it’s a welcome feeling of being let loose from the constraints of his tight jeans and he’s also maybe not as comfortable with the cool air hitting his bare skin.

Though she’s unable to pay much attention to all that with the sight of him, naked and jutting out from his belly, in front of her.

He’s... _big_. She has no other way to say it other than he’s definitely _not_ small. Not scary gigantic or anything but, thick and wide and long enough that the thought of him filling her one way or another causes her to squeeze her thighs together to assuage the ache there.

At the memory of what he can do to the rest of her body when given the chance. The way he caused her to _burn_ and _stretch_ and _open_ _up_ -

Yet, like the rest of him, he’s just as well-sculpted and perfectly put together. 

That is... a beautiful, _beautiful_ dick, if she ever saw one.

Just then, a thought strikes her out of nowhere and she can’t help her snort, cutting through the erotic charge in the air.

To his credit, he doesn’t look upset at all. Eyes still shimmering and black, looking down at her as she giggles. The upward curl of his mouth playful.

”You alright down there?”

”No- wait- I-“ She says sincerely, hoping that she hadn’t ruined the moment. “I just... you called it a zucchini.”

After a silent minute, he huffs a laugh, white teeth showing in the dim lighting. “Oh, yeah, I did.”

She lets another short giggle slip through and he waits her out patiently before she lets it peter off and glances up at him through her lashes. “I am sorry.”

”Don’t be.” He replies softly, gaze intense and interested and decidedly _not_ insulted. Hands in her hair and holding her face.

The moment stretches and elongates, electric and hot and _sizzling_ and bringing them right back.

Glancing from his face to the part of him that wants her so badly, she takes a breath and brings her hands up to touch.

”Jesus.” He rasps as her tentative fingers slowly stroke him more to life. “Fuck-“

”It’s been a while.” She admits, eyes in front of her task. Wetting her lips as he grows harder and expands in her hands. “It’s been a long time- I haven’t-“

”No.” He hushed, sounding lost in this already and she feels a punch of pride in her chest. A rush of wetness down her thighs. “You’re already, _shit_ , doing better than you think.”

That and the way he still somehow manages to sound sweet in spite of what’s happening gives her a boost of confidence and fingers just barely wrapping around him, she leans forward and tastes him, licking her tongue from base to tip and then back again.

She starts off slow, nuzzling him and mostly using her fingers and hands. Inhaling the musk of him and sampling the salt of his skin little by little. Heavy breathing and the occasional swear above her telling her everything she needs to know.

Laving her tongue along his pulsating vein, she gathers her nerve and kisses toward his bulbous tip, using her hand to stroke and tease as she leans in, finally, _finally_ takes him inside, enjoying the pleasant, heavy weight on her tongue, the salty pre-cum, the feel of his hands grasping her hair and she wants him- she _needs_ him deeper and opens wider to-

-and chokes, eyes immediately burning and watering, her throat not relaxing and oh god, she’s starting to gag-

“Hey, hey, hey.” He’s pulling her off him instantly, his voice raspy but, concerned and she _whines_ , hands not letting him go and he stutters before saying. “Easy-“

”No.” She sounds, even to her own ears, like she’s about ready to beg and she _doesn’t_ _care_. She wants him. Wants to please him. Wants him filling up her mouth again. Wants to make him lose his mind and to make him _cum_ -

When she relays that to him in exact detail, he looks he’s about to burst, those dark eyes peering down at her in hunger despite the concern on the rest of his face. 

(she does faintly remember how much he seemed to get off on her begging before.

she’s not above using that to her advantage now.)

”Fuck.” He grits out and looks at her again, his face a cross between lust and a softness that she’s too caught up to name. “Kelsey...”

”Please.” She appeals sweetly, teasing him with her fingers. “I really want to.”

His eyes slide shut on their own and she watches with female pride as he seems to struggle with himself. Beautiful in the line of his firm jaw. The vein pulsing in his neck.

“Okay.” He breathes with not even an ounce of reluctance, she notes and opens his eyes and the expression in his stare is... _different_ from before. “Kelsey?”

She tilts her head at him inquisitively.

He’s back to stroking her cheekbone, the ridge of her jaw, her bottom lip again. “Want me to take over?”

It doesn’t take a genius to understand what it is he means and lips touching the tip of his thumb, she says. “Yes.”

Then, before she knows what’s happening, he’s shifting and she’s forced to let him go and as a faint protest leaves her, he leans down and in, shutting her up with his own mouth in a deep, bruising kiss and she can only surrender, moaning and giving up to him-

When he lets up, she’s breathing harshly and dizzy with it, her lips tingling, her core burning-

“God.” He’s having just as much, if not more, trouble breathing. Voice husky and rough and pure sin. His eyes pitch black and shiny with something tender alongside his desire, nuzzling her closely. “You are _perfect_.”

In the haze of her brain, she has a thought to tell him that she’s not but, judging from the expression on his face, whatever it is she’s thinking is maybe not what he means.

And then he gets up again, standing to his full height and she scrambles to get into position, and he’s closing in, that beautiful dick in her sights and he grabs himself at that thick base, making her mouth positively _water_ -

She could feel herself, wet and wanting, and rubs her legs together instead of reaching down to touch even though she so desperately wants to.

Almost as desperately as she wants his _dick_ , she thinks hysterically, because he spent barely a minute in her mouth and here she is, _delirious_ and _starving_ for it, for him-

“Fuck, look at you.” He says, voice rough, and she realizes she’s been staring at the hardness in his hands, the way his bigger fingers could wrap around him in a way she can’t. “You really want it, yeah?”

“Yes.” She says, watching him almost lazily pump himself, the gleam in his eyes gleeful and wanton. “Yes, please, I-“

”Shh...” He hushes, stroking his fingers through her hair, massaging the base of her skull. Her eyes slipping closed at the almost soothing sensation. “Trust me...”

”I do.” She allows the fog to wash over her, the encouraging way he gently tilts her face toward him, lips parting even before he adds, voice soft yet booking no argument. “Open up for me, baby.”

He strokes at her bottom lip, mouth parting without protest and she hears him exhale a sharp breath, his grip on her jaw growing tighter. “Keep your eyes closed.” 

She does as he says and does so again when he asks for her hand, containing herself as he places it on his groin, the velvety steel brushing against her and then he’s telling her to lean in at the same time as he moves closer still, maneuvering her in with his gentle grip on her jaw and then _he’s_ back, sliding in, her mouth getting fuller and-

“Yeah.” He groans, pushing in a little more as her jaw relaxes, cheeks pillowing out as he fills her. “That’s it.”

She hears more of that, more _yeah,_ _just_ _like_ _that_ and _some_ _baby,_ _so_ _good_ all while he gives tiny, shallow thrusts to test more of her resistance as she’s trying, trying so _very_ hard, to hold it together, her mind and body buzzing pleasantly with his praise, feeling warm and taken care of and so _proud_ of herself.

“Jesus Christ.” He exalts once she’s reached her limit and then some, mouth full to the brim, supported by his hand on her jaw. “Look at that sweet, little mouth- _fuck_ -“

Notably, there’s still a bit left of him but, she’s not complaining and from there, they work with it, finding a good rhythm and he is so right, that is so _it_.

He maintains his light control, encouraging her relaxing jaw as he moves back and fourth inside her mouth but, allows her after a minute to rise up and down on him, bobbing her head slowly to meet his thrusts and breathing shallowly through her nose, swallowing every now and then to make him swear, moaning with him as her own pleasure at sucking this gorgeous man’s _cock_ gets so unbearable that she reaches under her own skirt, fingers rubbing and slipping and sliding, she’s such a _mess_ -

Through the fog and haze in her mind, she can tell the minute he notices because he lets out a moan of her name and a filthy, _filthy_ curse and it’s a beautiful cacophony of sounds, his deep grunts and groans and loud swearing with her whimpers and choked moans and- _oh_ _god_ , she’s cumming, cumming so fast and so hard and she takes it, takes it all as he fucks her mouth and fills her up and _fuck_ , _fuck_ , _fuck_ -

She doesn’t know exactly how long it all lasts but, when he’s finally slipping out and she can catch her breath, it’s like her lungs are burning like she’s run a marathon and she’s sweating and hot, jaw aching and her lips feeling swollen and so _used_ -

(and she is damn proud of herself. proud like she should get a medal and place it on her mantle for everyone to see.)

“Hey.” Like before, he’s right there, massaging his thumb over the bottom of her jaw and she sighs at the feeling because it is _sore_. “Are you OK?”

He sounds _wrecked_ and when she can bring herself to finally open her eyes to look at him, he looks a wreck, too. Eyes glowing, those plush lips looking more plump and red like he was biting into them, the awe-struck expression on his face-

“You-“ She tries saying, the words coming out croaked and uneven before she tries again. “You are... god, you have the _best_ _dick_.”

That is, okay, not absolutely what she meant to say but, well, it is very true and worth the smile and huff of a laugh she gets out of him, the twinkle appearing in his eye.

He playfully buts his head against hers, thumbing over her lips and watching as she can’t help but take a small nip and swooping in for a deep kiss when she does and she _moans_ with it.

(he is such... a fantastic kisser. She should have known but, he is aces. Those full lips, that talented tongue, the way he dives right in. just... perfect.)

Once he pulls away and she can breathe, he whispers, lips brushing over hers. “And you have...” He kisses her again, humming his satisfaction as though proven right. “...the most amazing lips and the most perfect mouth...”

His thumb sweeps over her for good measure before he’s standing up straight, eyes burning, and without a word, she knows what’s happening next and crawls backward up the bed, kicking off her comforters and extra pillows as she settles to do away with her skirt and bra and watching him do the same.

And it’s quite a sight because one minute he’s getting rid of his shoes and socks and his already loosened pants and underwear and- well-

_well_.

There is Ryan Bergara standing at the foot of her bed, naked and gorgeous and hung like she’s never had before.

And looking very much like being inside her would be the greatest gift on earth.

She hopes that this sight never grows old.

She has a feeling it won’t.

”Here.” She reaches into her side drawer and tosses something at him to catch before they could get more distracted.

He looks pleased and impressed as he rips the package carefully and rolls on the translucent sheath over himself and yeah, her birth control aside, they may have been more than careless that night they were together and she maybe, _might_ have, taken a drugstore trip for essentials that Sunday they had spent apart.

Then, he’s finished with his task and she can feel herself start to squirm when he just stands there and _stares_ at her.

”Ryan?” She asks after a moment, nerves starting to take over the longer he stands there, _looking_ , and all she can think about is how bare she is, how vulnerable she feels right now and the size of her thighs and the softness of her belly and how small her boobs are-

“I like looking at you.” He reminds her, voice awed and full of lust and want and like _he’s_ the one who’s lucky here, this beautiful man of her dreams. “God, I-“

He halts in something like a short, stilted laugh and looks away from her, shutting his eyes and she can see from her perch the way he swallows the lump in his throat.

It’s endearing. Even in the middle of all this and she feels a well spring of sympathy because she understands and this is a lot and she’s wanted it for so long and it’s so overwhelming-

“Ryan.” She demands his attention softly and when he looks at her, eyes soft yet _so_ intense, she beckons him. “Come here.”

He does so without question and she moves backwards to position herself as he slowly crawls over her, her legs falling open on instinct for him to fit over her, his dark eyes on her the whole time.

She enjoys the light scratch of his stubble on her palms as she cups his face to her, allowing the calm to wash over them, what happened mere minutes ago soothing the rage of their arousal and letting a new kind of emotion almost replace it.

There’s still heat there, a low simmering, _tender_ heat that unfurls and expands and cocoons them both in this one moment.

He lays there, fitting perfectly between her thighs, strong and hot and hard and gazing at her like he’s in the best dream and she knows that this will be it, the wall of his chest on her breasts, the strength of his arms around her, his firm stomach against her softness-

His first push in breaks a moan of relief out of both of them and she welcomes him, welcomes the size and girth and _ohh,_ _the_ _burn_...

It’s like just one day spent away from him and her body already missed him and this feels _so_ good, _too_ good to be real yet it is and she can tell by his own moans, sounds pitched from his chest, that he’s feeling it, too.

They find a slow, _very_ slow, rhythm, finding satisfaction in the way he pushes little by little only to pull back, not giving her anymore of him each time, his thrusts small and shallow and designed to give her bursts of pleasure, his eyes on her always, plying her with kisses, and caressing every bit of skin he could and she has no name for what this is.

”God, you-“ He groans, nice and long, and her breath hitches as he rolls his strong hips, giving her just a bit more. “You take it so well.”

She’s melting, completely _dissolving_ , as he pushes in just another inch and moans, baring her throat to his mouth and lips and the scrape of his stubble, the rasp of his voice, the praise of his words-

“Ohhh...” She coos, closing her eyes to avoid them rolling to the back of her head, and _more_ , _more_ , _more_ -

Whether she says it a loud or he’s doing very well in reading her body, Ryan does just that, giving her more and she cries out, the noise ragged and almost pained, as he drives _all_ _the_ _way_ _in_ , their hips snug together and she knows that she’s gonna be very sore after this.

”I’m sorry.” He’s apologizing even as he doesn’t stop, hips pumping and taking and she wants this always, every day, all the time. “I- you feel so good- so gorgeous- I just-“

He trails off on a deep moan of his own when she wraps her thighs around him to rock against his longer, deeper thrusts, immediately moving into a semi-squat to fuck her better, the angle intense and more thorough than before and god, she can feel him in her stomach-

“Ahhh...” She lets out, the position hitting that wonderful spot inside her. “-god, yes- _fuck_ \- right there-“

”Right there?” He hits it again and the sound she lets go of would be embarrassing if she absolutely _didn’t_ _care_. “Just like that, baby?”

He’s messing with her, he has to be, she can hear in his voice, that taunting lilt she’s becoming more familiar with, when he _knows_ he has her in his grip- 

“Just like that.” She echoes, unable to stop it, tilting upwards to meet his hips, scraping her fingernails down his broad back, grabbing the meat of his ass, the muscles there moving and flexing as he fucks into her like he means it, the pace faster than before yet still maddeningly slow to drive her _up_ , _up_ , _up_...

It feels like hours of this to her, hours of long, delicious stretches inside her _cunt_ , the sweat breaking out on their bodies causing them to slip and slide, adding to the symphony of noise, all the groans and moans and grunts and slapping of skin on skin, his lips and teeth on her hard nipples, the way he calls her _baby_ , the use of her name as a _dirty_ prayer, his rapid, hot breath on her face as he moves so perfectly and jesus, she never in her whole life been _this_ properly fucked-

She may take it well but, he ditches it just as good.

Then, at some point, one of his hands travels down her body and between her legs, fingers slipping (she is so, _so_ wet, a sopping mess) and rubbing and _teasing_ before slowly thrusting in a lone middle finger alongside his _big_ _cock_ inside her-

“Ryan.” She moans, long and loud, the sounding even to her own ears like she’s in pain even as her body burns for different reasons, the pleasure unbearable as he adds in his ring finger, sliding both in almost at that knuckle and it is _obscene_ how much she wants it, wants to feel how much he could fit but- “I- it’s too much- I-“

”Shh.” He hushes, kissing her deeply, her pelvis coming off the bed as he twists his wrists, her moan desperate. “You can take it. You can take anything, baby, come on.”

”Yes.” She cries, her body shaking, as he adds a third finger and she wants to _die_ , it feels so good, so _filthy_ and so good and he’s not stopping either, still moving his hips and she feels impossibly _full_ now and then-

and then-

-and then-

-she cums... _a_ _lot_.

For what feels like forever, she cries and shouts and _screams_ , noises echoing through her silent bedroom... and then after she seems to be done, he keeps it up with his fingers and hips and _oh_ _fuck_ , there’s orgasm after orgasm and unlike the first one, these rob her of breath and simmer slowly through her bloodstream, her moans muffled by Ryan’s mouth as he finally slides his hand away and gives a few last, deep thrusts and follows her _right_ over that cliff...

If she blacks out or not is still a mystery but, by the time she comes to from her high, she’s breathing heavily, her heart is pounding in her ears, she’s clinging to Ryan like her life depends on it, her body trembling, and she feels like _crying_ , eyes burning and starting to water-

Then, all thought as to why is wiped away as he places small kisses up her neck and over her face and ending on her lips and she sighs at his sweet attentions, allowing her bliss to override the lump in her throat.

(no, she’s not gonna cry after those wonderful orgasms. _orgasms_ as in more than one. no, no sir.)

He cups her cheek, thumb caressing the fine bone, and she opens her eyes to his already looking at her, his gaze relaxed and sated. “You alright?”

He’s _so_ beautiful. This beautiful man gazing at her like she made his dreams come true.

Like he’s happy.

She has no idea where to begin to do with it because her heart _clenches_ , grows tight inside her chest and he’s looking at her like that, like everything’s normal and-

( _breathe_. she tells herself.)

”I’m fine.” She says, hoping to god that he reads her glistening eyes as a trick of the light.

“I’m wonderful.”

 

They fall asleep.

There’s no second round - honestly after _that_ , it’s not like she can take it anyway - and at some point after the quiet activity of getting rid of a condom and the requisite post-coital pee, they doze off, wrapped up in one another.

It feels like minutes before she opens her eyes again. Something in the sounds of her apartment or the soft snores of the man sharing her bed jolting her awake.

Either way, she springs up, feeling the tousled mess of hair atop her head and the _soreness_ in between her thighs.

The strong arms under her breasts. The hot puffs of even breath on the back of her neck.

The lingering smell of sex in the room.

Even just the _memory_ of what they did sends a bolt of arousal down her body and she groans, being as quiet as she can, sneaking out of the comfy circle of muscle around her middle.

It’s... a struggle. Even in his sleep, she can feel the coiled strength in the band of his arms doing all they can to keep her in that bed. 

It’s pretty great and she can picture herself spending a nice, lazy Sunday like this but, her throat is dry, she’s in desperate need of a cool drink of water, and to check if she has some meds-

-because she is _sore_ , feeling like Bambi on new legs, her knees shaking after she finally jostles herself loose from under a pair of heavy limbs.

She’d be pretty put out by it if she hadn’t very much enjoyed how she got like this.

( _boo_ - _hoo_ , what a hard life she has now, full of sore thighs, amazing sex, and back-to-back orgasms, what _will_ she do with herself?)

From there, it’s a quick trip to her medicine cabinet to grab two Advil and after to her kitchen for a glass of water.

She does grab something to wear, of course. The first clean, white pajama shirt a top her laundry basket.

Which, it’s her apartment and she could very well walk around naked if she wants but, it’s not really something she does and anyway, they got enough of a view last week when she literally had sex on her couch on the same night she decided to _keep_ _her_ _shades_ _open_.

In hindsight, she also hadn’t expected for that to happen that night either.

She had meant to just finish her water, head back to her room and crawl back into bed with Ryan but...

um.

_well_.

She goes as far as the doorway and then sees him, still sleeping deeply, broad chest going up and down with his breath, snoring softly and just...

_Stares_ at him.

Simply leans against her door frame and admires the view in front of her.

It seems that in her absence, he had shifted in his sleep and onto his back, stretching out and he is something out of a _fantasy_. All tawny skin and lean muscle, torso bare and vulnerable to her gaze.

He’s also moved one of his arms above his head, biceps body bulging nicely in the accidental pose and her throat goes dry at the display, the relaxed strength in his abs and arms, how she can tell that he’s nothing but _naked_ under those sheets that are hardly hiding anything except his groin, strong legs spanning out, and how she can see that his cock is already half-hard-

She must take a long while, standing there, getting her fill because she _starts_ when he speaks, having not realized that he had been waking up.

”Are you gonna come over here or stand there all night?”

His eyes, bright and sleep alert, open slowly to spot her, caught, at her own doorway.

”Hi.”

He stretches out the kinks of rest, groaning with the effort, and no, she does not blush, _thank_ _you_ _very_ _much_. 

Otherwise, he stays in place, looking perfectly content to just lay on her bed forever, something close to fondness in the way he looks at her. “Whatcha doing there, baby?”

His voice is deeper and raspy and a sharp bit of lust joins the fondness in his eyes, making her shift on her feet in awareness at the way he doesn’t hide his long glance down her half-clothed body.

He wants her.

It’s simple. Clear as day. Staring her right in the face.

She’s not dreaming.

This is real.

He has made it abundantly clear.

He likes her. Wants her comfortable and safe around him. But...

He _wants_ her.

“Kels?”

”I was getting water.” She says because he shifts again, sitting up on the bed and against the headboard, eyebrows knitted. 

He looks kind of ridiculous, almost comically hyper-masculine compared to the soft pastels of her bedroom.

But, also like he belongs there.

”What’s that smile about?” He asks, peering at her with interest. 

“You.” She answers honestly, watching that warm expression that’s just for her. “I... I kind of can’t believe I’m not dreaming.”

He looks like something breaks inside him then and it takes her back to him standing at the foot of her bed. “Me neither.”

They share a smile and the silence grows out, gets almost comfortable and then-

“Kelsey?”

”Yes?”

”Get over here.” He looks pleading but, the heat in his eyes counteract it some. 

She meets his dark eyes, feels the different energy in the room, the slight nudge towards something else. “What happens if I don’t?”

He _rakes_ his gaze all over her, lazy and wanton. “Why don’t you come over here and see?” 

She does just that because why argue at this point? She could already feel how turned on she’s becoming and who needs to _walk_ nowadays, right?

The minute she gets within reach, he seems to have run out of patience and immediately snatches her down and onto his lap, laughing and silencing her shriek with his mouth, her hands landing on his strong shoulders as their tongues slot together instinctively.

She loves kissing him, loves the way he kisses _her_ , the fullness of his lips, the way he moves that mouth of his and she could go all day doing this.

They continue doing exactly that, making out, her perched on his lap, his hands on her hips, nothing happening except that, letting the heat simmer and stew between them, their passion a soft, almost lazy thing.

When she finally rolls her hips on his length, still thinly covered by a sheet, one of his hands wanders from her hip to between them, fingers feeling her, _slick_ and _pulsing_ , only to pull away when she flinches without thinking.

”Sore?” He murmurs, turning his attention to undoing the buttons on her pajama shirt, baring her breasts to him.

She grips his head to her, welcoming his warm mouth as he lay hot, wet kisses where he wants. “I-“ She stutters when he flicks his thumb over a nipple, making it taut and stiff. “I’m fine. It’s okay.”

He hums, tongue laving at the hardened peak while his other hand busies itself with her unoccupied breast. “Liar.” 

He doesn’t play fair, immediately taking her in his mouth after reprimanding her, his tone of voice going _straight_ to her head, his fingers drawing tight circles on her areola as he scrapes his teeth on the other, making her crazy, making her _want_ him.

“I’m not-“ She pushes down on a moan as he works her, humming and licking and savoring her. “- _oh_ _my_ _god_ \- I’m not- I’m not lying-“

His large palm, warm and heavy, on her back and up her shirt anchors her, pulling her closer still, as he moves on from one breast to the other, letting her go with a _pop_ , though he doesn’t put his mouth on her right away, voice deep and rumbling in his desire, leaving nothing out. “When I know you can take it, I’m gonna fuck you the hardest you’ve ever had for doing that.” 

She doesn’t bother stifling her noise this time at the dark promise in his words. “I- ohhh- I can take it- I _can_ take it-“

He treats her unloved breast like he had the other, letting go of the sounds of a man eating his favorite meal. “Not like that. No, you can’t.”

She’s faintly award that her hips are rolling, thrusting on nothing, her head gone foggy and loose. “I hate you-“

She’s about to _cry_ , she wants him so badly.

She _wants_ him to fuck her. 

Wants to be _filled_ and _taken_ and _turned_ _inside_ _out_.

Wants to ache and limp with the reminder of it. 

“No, you don’t-“

”Ryan-“

”Tell me.” He lets her go again with another obscene, wet sound, eyes black and glittering. “Tell me what you want.”

”I...”

”What does my girl need?” He caresses her bottom lip with his thumb, that damn tender look on his face alongside the want in those eyes. 

She flicks her tongue at his thumb, watching his jaw tighten. “You.” She says truthfully, seeing _his_ breath hitch as she scrapes her nails down his chest and abs and under the sheet, finding him fully hard and thick and _wanting_ her. “I need you. All of you.”

He sucks in a sharp breath, eyes fluttering, when she wraps a fist around him, feeling him pulsating and alive in her grip. “I don’t wanna hurt you.”

(there he is. Beneath all the sex and heat and hunger, he’s still that wonderful, sweet guy she had a massive crush on in the first place.)

She’s the one to hold him to her this time, cupping his jaw, sweeping her thumb reassuringly on his cheekbone. “You won’t.” She supplies warmly, watching his eyes drink her in. “I can do it. I can do this, let me.”

He gives, nodding onto her palm and laying a small kiss on her skin, fingers around her wrist. “You’ll let me know if it’s uncomfortable- if you can’t-“

“Yes.” She kisses him, sweetly, softly, even as she pumps him slowly with her other hand, taking satisfaction in his resulting groan. “I will.”

From there, it’s small work of shoving the sheet aside, his dick springing from his belly instantly, and she can _feel_ that dark, penetrating gaze sweep over her as she fully unbuttons her top, baring herself once more to him.

”My god.” He says reverently, his voice awed, as she scoots forward to grab a condom from the side table, working quickly to sheath him. “You are gorgeous.”

He says it as if he hadn’t already seen her naked just _hours_ _ago_ , stare bouncing everywhere on her body and face as if he doesn’t where to look.

She positions herself, holding her breath as she carefully starts to slide down, air _whooshing_ out of her lungs as the head of his cock opens her up, teeth snagging the corner of her lip.

Her clear arousal aside, she is still a little sensitive from before. It had been enough time that her throbbing had worn off but, she can feel just a bite of discomfort as she works on taking him and he’s just- he’s _so_ _much_.

But, she can do this. She _will_ do this. 

She’s done it fine so far and she can do it again.

”Everything okay?” He asks after a minute, no doubt watching her, her eyelids fluttering, the tensing of her stomach muscles, how tight she still is even as she pushes for more because _god_ , _yes_ , he feels too good not to-

He feels _soo_ good and she feels so full and she wants- she just _wants_ and just yes-

- _yes_ , _yes_ , _yes_ , _yes_ -

“Yes.” She hisses through her teeth as she takes more, toes curling into the bedsheets, body warm and buzzing, not knowing if she’s answering him or herself and _nothing_ should feel this good.

A masculine moan has her opening her eyes to see him bracing himself against the headboard, palms planted on the bed, muscles bulging and tensed, watching her fuck _him_ for once, the way she takes him inside her body at her own pace.

He doesn’t do _nothing_. Every now and then using his hands to touch her breasts, slide his fingers down her arms, to palm her ass, and stroke her thighs.

Otherwise, he stays back and lets her do her thing. Eyes exploring the slopes of her face to the lean lines of her body to where he can clearly see them connected, watching his cock slip in and out of her.

She’s never adored him more.

She moans, twisting her hips, his jaw going slack, mouth falling open as she alternates between that and going up and down on him, letting out grunts and groans and hard to catch breaths.

He calls her _baby_ , _sweetheart_ , _my_ _girl_ in between those sounds, beautiful in his restraint and enjoyment in watching her.

It only adds more to her fire, encouraging her to slide one of her hands down her body, her fingers rubbing and circling and she’s starting to _shake_ -

“ _Ohh_.” Her orgasm hits her _straight_ in the chest, taking more from her lungs than she could give, making her break out in a cool sweat, causing her thighs to tremble and she can hear him, calling her name, moving his hips up _just_ _a_ _little_...

She has no clear clue as to what happens next other than she’s shuddering through climax one moment then when all is clear, she’s collapsed on top of Ryan, his solid body carrying her weight.

He whispers endearments and sweet things and praise into her hair, voice hoarse and rough and affectionate and all she can do is close her eyes and revel in it.

Absorb it.

Take it.

_Accept_ it.

 

Ryan has a nice chest.

It’s firm, unyielding yet, perfect for her head to lay on, hair splayed in all directions, body draped over his own, her legs tangled with his, her palm over his heart.

It’s great.

They hadn’t had much of this before, too busy tearing into each other and unable to keep their hands to themselves that it was near impossible to just _relax_ after.

Yet here they are, bodies calm and sated, their breaths even thought they’re both wide awake.

This could quickly become one of the favorite moments of her life, just _being_ with him, breathing in his air, enjoying the way he randomly plays with her fingers, his exhale rustling her hair.

She could get used to this.

She might even fall asleep.

Maybe.

Probably.

”What are you thinking about?” She asks instead, instantly nervous that she had disrupted the nice quiet they’d fallen into.

Though it’s for naught because when she looks up, he has that fond smile on his face, not in anyway bothered when he returns her gaze. “You.” He says with such sincerity that she can’t _not_ believe him. “Nothing but, you.”

”Yeah?”

”Yeah.” He leans into her, noses brushing, and she knows that if all the sex doesn’t kill her, _these_ little moments of tenderness just might. 

But, as is her way, she can’t shut up.

”I wanna be exclusive.” She says as he looks like he wants to close the distance and kiss her.

It doesn’t deter him and that fond smile appears on his face, making her heart quicken. “Good. Me, too.”

She palms his chest, giving him a light push back. “I’m serious.”

He pulls back a bit, as though trying to read her face, eyebrows raised. “So am I.”

”You wanna date me?” She was wrong before, _this_ is the most vulnerable she’s ever felt.

“Kelsey.” He says, earnest now and she kind of hates that it took away his smile. “I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.”

”Really?”

”Yes.” He cups her face, stroking his thumb on her skin like he can’t help himself. “Really.”

She’s the one to lean in, expressing her feelings in the press of her mouth, the caress of her lips...

When she pulls away, she cuddles back into him, pressing her ear to his heartbeat, wrapping her arms around him as much as she can, loving his large palm on her back.

It could be a minute or an hour that passes before she hears his voice again.

”Kels?”

”Yes?”

He runs his hand up her back and through her hair, causing a fission of warmth on her skin. “I know this is kinda backwards but, would you like to have dinner with me sometime?”

She smiles into his chest, knowing that this is his way of assuaging her concerns more than anything and that she already got her worries silenced for the moment, this _beautiful_ man of hers but- “Yes. Yes, I would love to have dinner with you.”

”Good.” She could hear that smile again. “I’m happy.”

She breathes. _In_. _Out_.

”I am, too.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> *peaks throw curtain* Did you like it? God, this took me the longest time to finish, took me almost as long to finish this than it did the first... 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed and that I did a justifiable job for Kelsey’s POV of the previous story as well as the follow-up. I may also have a few outtakes from the first as well as this story that I may put out if y’all are interested... Just let me in the comments if you are!! :))
> 
> As always comment, kudos, and/or both if you want and thanks for reading!! :)


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